The Holy Ghost?

Provided, of course, you count the first two WGOs as Father and Son, this could well be some sort of ineffable spirit or other. Interestingly, to me anyway, I always pictured the HG as a horse. A HGG, as it were...

It occurs to me that I could be writing all new things about the current, modern and up-to-date today, but honestly I can't be arsed. It's all so fucking depressing. I mean, who cares what I think about Glum Prick and his Godwin's Law triggering rhetoric? Who cares what anyone thinks about such things? I mean, it's not like it'll matter in a couple of million years time.

I'd rather listen to newly minted Final Shemp tunes and wish I had decent speakers on which to enjoy them. Oh, and the time, energy and resources to complete things to my liking as opposed to having quarter-complete bits of crap that I almost like but can only hear faults in. Someday.

Actually, going to noise gigs I have been impressed by the sheer amount of wire people tend to have, and the number of toys they bring along. Witness.

Anyway, that's enough of the modern world for now, time to step back into 2006 to see what was preoccupying my preoccupations back then:

Hello, good evening and welcome to this very special Spring round-up (we’ll ignore the fact that it’s snowing
outside at the time of writing).
To begin with, we shed a tear for the noble Kanye West,
whose words have been falling on deaf ears. The antigangsta
rapper must be feeling that some fans are Missing
The Point, after some dickhead opened fire on a
steward outside a gig in Birmingham, shooting him in
the face three times. If only it had happened outside a
50 Cent gig (yes, we’ll never get tired of slaggin’ aul’
Fiddy), who has been advised by label boss Eminem
NOT to release an album this summer.
Good man, Marshall!
Of this decision, Fiddy said, 'My motivation
wasn’t really right. I get a little
frustrated from time to time and I got
so much material that I make, that
isn’t being heard, that I was like, "Yo,
I just wanna release an album again."
And he was like, 'Nah, you gotta wait.'
I don’t care about none of that [timing],
I just want the record to go out,
but it just makes better sense to take
our time and re-create the new album.'
Huh? Oh, right… And just for anyone else who loves the
gibberish this moron slabbers as much as I: 'A lot of the
music that comes out of the South is kind of simplified
and I think it’s kinda 'cause they just wanna have a good
time,' he says.' They don’t wanna think about what
[they] just said.... They really didn’t make sense, but
they made sense in a way and they just wanna hear
something while they’re actually partying and it works
for them. But when they don’t take the time to make it
the highest quality possible, it hurts the actual hip-hop
[genre]. People wanna make music they can get away
with as opposed to the best possible music they can
make. They’ll lower the grade of music.' The race to the
bottom is already on, Fiddy, and YOU are winning.
More necromancy this month as Alice In Chains do the
unthinkable. Over to you, Jerry Cantrell: 'There will be
some Alice in Chains shows this year — that’s a fact.' Let
it lie! Layne Stayley is dead. Form new bands, boys… Or
else fuck off and leave us alone…
Also digging up the past this month is Trent Reznor of
Nine Inch Nails, who has managed to snag goth legends
Bauhaus for his forthcoming tour. Next up, the re-introduction
of Fields of the Nephilim to polite society.
Where’s me flour? Bad news for fans of music as Wolf
Parade declare more activity is on the horizon in the
form of Spencer Krug’s solo project, Sunset Rubdown.
It’s a shit name, isn’t it? Avoid.
Avoid also Sting — he will be touring again soon.
But, on the bright side, Tool are soon to break their fiveyear
silence when they release their new album, '10,000
Days' next month. The long-winded noise-makers have
inexplicably continued to keep the loyalty of their fans
despite being lazy bastards who take part in some very
dodgy side-projects… Wow! What a
band!
Rick Rubin has not tired of dealing
with clapped-out old fucks (sorry
Johnny!) after his brush with Neil Diamond
— he’s back in the studio with
RAWK! faves, Slayer. Why? Money!
Not-at-all-funny-but-it-made-melaugh-
cos-I’m-a-bad-bastard. The
Event of the year so far is the stabbing
of former Jackson 5 drummer,
Johnny Jackson. Nobody seems to
agree on whether or not he was an actual Jackson Jackson.
Michael said, “Ow!”
And finally… The man with a name that is TOO easy to
parody, James Cunt Blunt, has become the first Brit to
climb to No. 1 in the Billboard charts since Elton John in
1997. Which just goes to show: Americans ARE stupid.
Stephen McMullin