Build me a boat, Noah!
If I was God, I do a lot more of that boat-building lark. Not because I particularly need to get around by water, I'm God after all, but I think it would help unemployment figures. As well as resuscitating the ship-building industry. Particularly the handmade and out-of-wood kind.
Keep the hand in and all that.
I was actually considering this whole 'divine retribution' thing recently - floods and such like. I've been of the belief for many years now that we're all fucked. The world is gradually giving up and we're just starting to get the message. Tsunamis notwithstanding, the weather's been pretty weird for the last few years. I mean, take today for example. It's February 4th and it's sunny and warm out! It practically summer!
If that is not God pissing about I don't know what is...
OK, so maybe it's not plagues of locusts and killing firstborn children, but I think the God of our times has moved on and is probing more subtle means of venting his speen, or wrath if you prefer, on us - humanity.
Think about it, if there was a sudden flood or similar, we'd probably try and bomb it, invade it or blame it on the Arabs (I'm not sure what the East would do, I can only speak as a decadent western swine). God's not daft, he's got this all figured out. He's going to gradually wear us down with unpredictable weather patterns.
"Is it going to rain tomorrow?"
"I dunno, the weatherman said it might, but pointed out that our guess is as good as his."
And the world will become full of people wandering around wearing easy-on/off layers of clothing, carrying umbrellas and looking suspiciously at the sky. Believe me, this is only the beginning. Soon there'll be hailstones in August and then where will you be?!
HA! Then you'll see...
On a lighter note, um... I can't think of one.
Do try not to spend the rest of your day grinding your teeth in annoyance at having wasted precious time reading this pointless weather-blog. Imagine what it's like for me! I go around actually thinking these things!
Amen.
Keep the hand in and all that.
I was actually considering this whole 'divine retribution' thing recently - floods and such like. I've been of the belief for many years now that we're all fucked. The world is gradually giving up and we're just starting to get the message. Tsunamis notwithstanding, the weather's been pretty weird for the last few years. I mean, take today for example. It's February 4th and it's sunny and warm out! It practically summer!
If that is not God pissing about I don't know what is...
OK, so maybe it's not plagues of locusts and killing firstborn children, but I think the God of our times has moved on and is probing more subtle means of venting his speen, or wrath if you prefer, on us - humanity.
Think about it, if there was a sudden flood or similar, we'd probably try and bomb it, invade it or blame it on the Arabs (I'm not sure what the East would do, I can only speak as a decadent western swine). God's not daft, he's got this all figured out. He's going to gradually wear us down with unpredictable weather patterns.
"Is it going to rain tomorrow?"
"I dunno, the weatherman said it might, but pointed out that our guess is as good as his."
And the world will become full of people wandering around wearing easy-on/off layers of clothing, carrying umbrellas and looking suspiciously at the sky. Believe me, this is only the beginning. Soon there'll be hailstones in August and then where will you be?!
HA! Then you'll see...
On a lighter note, um... I can't think of one.
Do try not to spend the rest of your day grinding your teeth in annoyance at having wasted precious time reading this pointless weather-blog. Imagine what it's like for me! I go around actually thinking these things!
Amen.
posted by Stephen McMullin at 2:05 pm
2 Comments:
All good stuff Mein Fuhrer. Looks like you have a fan, or someone pulling the piss. btw, updated the blog!
No.
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