D'you want to know what my biggest problem with the internet is? It's not people planting viruses in strange places, it's not the fact that 99.9% of the internet is porn - it's people who set up groups on social networking sites like Facebook with names like:
"Keep Sex Offenders Off The Internet" There are fucking loads of them, but this is the one that annoyed me most today. Here is their charter:
1. Keep sex offenders off of networking sites, yet visible/known to the public.
2. Place restrictions on the usage of the internet by registered sex offenders.
3. Protect our children.
Er... What? How? What the fuck are you talking about?
"Too many sex offenders are on social networking websites these days, making it easier for them to choose their prey. Considering pre-teens and teens are growing up faster than ever these days, it's not a good idea to allow any sort of violent, sadistic criminal the ability to lure them into being raped, exploited or murdered."
These days there are too many wankers everywhere scaring the shit out of everyone by telling the boogeyman IS on your MySpace page. But that's not the only problem:
"Parents don't seem to really be watching their kids these days. You parents and older siblings need to start talking to your children about the dangers of the internet and MySpace, and help guide them in such a way that they don't unknowingly become another victim."
Because, of course, no children were ever raped, murdered or anything before the internet. These days, it seems, it's all going to shit. And it gets worse:
"Sex Offenders have MySpace pages... in my research, I have found that 35 out of the 45 predators I searched for on MS have MS pages. These perps include men who were convicted of indecent liberties with a minor 13-15, crimes against nature, production and distribution of child pornography, etc."
What are you doing stalking sex offenders on MySpace? Do you have a life? I presume these people are known because they were caught, yah? So they went to hat thing... Whaddya call it? Americans love 'em... Prisons, that's right! You sent them there and that fixed them didn't it? Otherwise what's the point in sending them to prison? And what the Fuck is a 'crime against nature'? I would regard Dublin's Spire to be a crime against nature, but what are you talking about?
"If you have a younger sibling or child under 18, PLEASE talk to them about the dangers of the internet. You may THINK you know everything your "tween" is doing, but kids are very, very sneaky these days and a lot of them are very naive."
Hold on a sec... Can they be BOTH sneaky
and naive? But yes, it's true, there are things you can do with a PayPal account which everyone should be aware of. How many crappy CDs did you buy this week, huh? But seriously, to wrap up, keep it clean:
"Also, PLEASE watch your language on this cause. Yes, it's a very sore spot for a lot of people and we all feel very strongly about how sex offenders should burn, but please no swearing or offensive language. You can show your support with wise words instead of the f-bomb."
The F-bomb? Is that like an H-Bomb? I'm not likely to start doing that, but I can't be sure unless you tell me what the fuck it is...
"TAKE NOTE: ANY SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY OR COMMENTS MADE IMPLYING ANY SEXUAL INVOLVEMENT OR ABUSE TOWARD A CHILD WILL BE REPORTED."
Yeah, because the Sex Offenders' Club had a meeting and all decided to pop round to this community to make themselves known. Is this silly cunt expecting people to leave comments like, "Hey, shut the fuck up. I have sex with children all the time and it never done me no harm! Who are you to judge me?"
Somehow I don't see it.
I love that people leave comments like, "Yeah, the guvverment should stop child molesters, n'shit!" Statements like that... What do you think the police are for? That's 'the guvverment' doin' their thang. Doin' what they can. Do these people somehow believe that politicians and civil servants can magic away all the pederasts?
And while we're on the subject of magicking away sex offenders, can we stop pretending like there's one on every street? You're scaring parents and children and distracting attention away from real issues (like whether millions of children worldwide are eating every day. Let's start with them, huh? Then we'll tackle the rest). There are so few child abusers in the world you'd be hard pressed to fill church. There are more people who think Celine Dion has talent than there are child rapists in this world. Which is the scarier statistic?
Of course, if you're a caring Christian you probably have gay people in the 'crimes against nature' category, so that'll boost your numbers I suppose. But then, these are often the very same people who believe that women who are raped are more than a little culpable themselves. Don't believe me? Well, it's true of Ireland anyway,
North and
South - more North, of course, because theat's where the really pious cunts are.
I think I'll start a group called "Keep Christians Off The Internet", because them's the real trouble.
