Widget, I've got a widget…

A widget I have got. Remember those ads?

Ah, back when Jack Dee was funny.

If you scroll to the very bottom of this page you should be able to view my widget. This is all good stuff, at least I think so. It was kind of supposed to be in the sidebar, where I put it, but HTML doesn't like me and doesn't listen to me when I tell it things.

Elsewise, Liz and I are finally finished with the immigration process. Hurrah! This means we are now real U-rope-eens, although not Dutch as yet. For that you have to have lived here for fuckin' ages and be able to spraak the taal and do a test on Dutchness. Not a bad idea, I think, but mildly annoying.

I wish I could spraak the taal.

Tyger, tyger

If you ever wondered what real stupidity was like, try THIS. My Gawd, anyone who taunts a tiger, drunk or not, deserves everything they get.

It's not like getting into a dispute with a bouncer over how old you actually are. Tigers don't even have whatever tiny shred of control (or rather, fear of repercussion) that bouncers have. Also, a bouncer will not bite your head clean off before tucking in to your squishy bits.

Personally I'm proud that the tiger stood up and decided not to take any shit. It's bad enough that the poor thing was caged and imprisoned in the first place.

Who do we think we are, us humans?

I love watching those David Attenborough fillms. They're great, cos you see how the world is stuffed to bursting with creatures that really don't give a fuck what we get up to so long as we stay out of their way. They're just goin' around, doin' their thang.

But what is their agenda?

ROUSs

This would definitely give Westley something to worry about…

The Wildhearts — Destroy All Monsters

Freaky, fucked and fantastic:

gemeente gegevens gebruiken

Complimicated words with lots of aspirants (or whatever you want to call those throat-cleary sounds) is what makes Dutch such a pain to learn.

Ik heb een volgende in mijn slaapkamer is one of the few sentences I can create. It means I have a bird in my bedroom. Phwoaar!

Everything else is even more confusing.

This was going to be a big long blog, but the mood has done gone and left me.

Interesting things that happened this week: I figured out how to pay bills, I interviewed Henry Rollins and I still didn't get a job.

[EDIT] I just saw this in my snazzy new ad bar thing (I rejigged all the ads for my thrilling return to Blogger). I'm not sure how I came to be endorsing a website specialising in Russian brides, but there you have it.

Anybody wanna Russian?

Short muzak bololog

David Byrne has some interesting things to say about the state of music. I read this ages ago and then forgot to tell anyone about it, but I'm tellin' ya now!

Listening to Les Rallizes Denudés at the moment. They're great, at least they are if you like extended noisy noises punctuated by percussive feedback and spacey shouting. I do.

Not overly inspired today, so can't think of owt to blog. How sad.

I may be back, I mayn't…

I don't understand Brit's ladybits!

Interesting…

"According to one former newspaper editor this week, if Britney did destruct, we would all have her blood on our hands.

The photographers who snapped the woman as she lay manacled in an ambulance, said the Guardian's Peter Preston, "are working for us": we who buy the newspapers and push TV ratings through the roof as we tune in to learn more.

Gawping at mental breakdown is not so new. In the 18th Century, for a penny, you could peer into the cells at Bedlam and enjoy the inmates' antics.

But these days, perhaps are we more ready to learn from what we see."
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7177345.stm

I wouldn't bet on that! The article then goes on to talk about how Kylie getting breast cancer raised awareness of the disease around the world. OK, but breast cancer is something we're familiar with the concept of. We feel sorry for people who've developed this disease — it's nasty and we know it.

Mental illness is something we're all afraid to face. Mad people are discomfiting because it could happen to YOU. So rather than sympathise and lobby for some sort of help or intervention, we're going to laugh.

Well who wouldn't?

When insanity manifests itself as shaving off all your hair, getting pissed and leaving your knickers in the niteclub toilets — leaving yourself exposed to the world (ooh, there's some wank mag material, eh?) and then being mental with your children. It's more like a drama than anything else, and we're all hooked.

I'm pointing fingers, but there's one aimed at myself.

Remember those pix of Brit's clit? (Not entirely accurate, but a nice rhyme, no?) Who took them and why? Well, I had a look when I found out they were on the net. Why? Curiosity.

Was my life enriched in any way by the sight of this famous fanny? No. Was I aroused by the picture? No. Would I have paid to see the picture? Most definitely not. Would I have cared about the precise contours of the Spears ladybits had their image not been blogged? Not in the least.

So who would? What sort of person is interested in seeing a drunken, harassed and borderline psychotic total stranger's vagina?

Then there's the question, would anyone have cared had the picture not been taken? I guess we'll never know. Sure, there are doubtless people who've prayed since 1997 that Brit would do a Hustler shoot, but this is hardly the same thing.

So it becomes a question of ethics on the part of the photographer and the editorial team that commissioned/published the picture. It's their fault, since they made the image available to the masses.

It's a bit of a Garden of Eden thing. Do we blame the snake or the moron who eats the apple?

Here's a swindle.

OK, so I've been blogging on MySpace for the last while — and not even very often. So, I'm going to make another attempt to resurrect this mofo, starting with a survey which may fill in the gaps left by my absence.

Enjoyez vous…

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Stephen
Birthday:	Coupla weeks back
Birthplace:	Belfast
Current Location:	Holland
Eye Color:	bluey sort of
Hair Color:	Blondey
Height:	180m-ish
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Leftie
Your Heritage:	Don't have any, I am a time capsule.
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Still wearing 'em. Weird Nike things, black, white and leathery.
Your Weakness:	Is my sweetness?
Your Fears:	Don't need to be broadcast.
Your Perfect Pizza:	A hot one.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Bringing The Things to Amsterdam for Halloween.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	LMAO — I don't use IM!
Thoughts First Waking Up:	Aw, shite…
Your Best Physical Feature:	My arse
Your Bedtime:	Other people's waketime
Your Most Missed Memory:	Can't remember. It's missing…
Pepsi or Coke:	Fanta or Sprite
MacDonalds or Burger King:	The King
Single or Group Dates:	One at a time, ladies!
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Neither — yik!
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Coffee (actually koffie, but let's not get bogged down)
Do you Smoke:	Only if I've been going really fast.
Do you Swear:	Fuckin' A!
Do you Sing:	Only when I'm showering.
Do you Shower Daily:	Only when I'm singing.
Have you Been in Love:	Have been. Am. Will be.
Do you want to go to College:	Never again.
Do you want to get Married:	Not especially.
Do you belive in yourself:	There's a big question… I'm not sure I believe in anything, never mind me!
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Only when in motion.
Do you think you are Attractive:	Do I fancy myself? Yes, I am a hottie and I would give me a reach-around anytime.
Are you a Health Freak:	I have freaky health, does that count?
Do you get along with your Parents:	Mostly.
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Depends on whether I'm out in it or not.
Do you play an Instrument:	I play Guitar.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Em… Yes, but not much.
In the past month have you Smoked:	Yes, a lot.
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	What a loaded question. I bet lots of people say no to this one, when in fact they've been amped up on caffeine and nicotine and alcohol and such. Me, I will say 'Yes!' because it's true. Lots of drugs.
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	I've been living with the same woman for nearly two years — I think she might notice if I did that sort of thing.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Yup.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	I have never and will never eat a box of Oreos.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	Yes, Liz made it and it was lovely. I have some shop stuff too. I love the maki.
In the past month have you been on Stage:	Don't think so…
In the past month have you been Dumped:	Unless you count the NUJ snubbing me, no.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	It's winter! Finding a stretch of water around here that isn't solid is hard enough, never mind plunging oneself into it once you have. Brr…
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	Who is this survey for? Is my door going to be kicked in if I say yes? I'll say no.
Ever been Drunk:	Ever been sober would be a better question.
Ever been called a Tease:	Only when teasing.
Ever been Beaten up:	Only when being smaller and weaker than the beater-upper.
Ever Shoplifted:	Don't think so… Unless you count plecs, but I don't.
How do you want to Die:	Interestingly.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	Bit late to start wondering that now, but if I had to choose I'd say Elric.
What country would you most like to Visit:	Netherlands — oh, wait!
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	In a boy/girl? Well… Don't care/irrelevant (Liz's are blue and very nice)
Favourite Hair Color:	Don't have one…
Short or Long Hair:	Long or short.
Height:	Some.
Weight:	Some.
Best Clothing Style:	Nudie.
Number of Drugs I have taken:	384
Number of CDs I own:	I lost count years ago.
Number of Piercings:	None.
Number of Tattoos:	None.
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	None.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!